Dried Tears;Fake smiles

Facing my chin up, staring at the scrap of sky that’s visible through my lil rectangular window, once again Iet myself splash…amidst my whimsical wave of thoughts. Somehow it eases me…provides me some fresh air to breathe in..lessens my suffocating suffocation. Today’s rambles? “TO BE A PART OR TO BE APART”

They says “If u love someone, let him free, if he comes back, hez been urs; if he doesn’t, he was never urs.” So I let thee free. I close my eyes, my lips flash a slight curve. I know things aint working that way. Some people are born different, they can be happy anywhere and everywhere, no factors are variables. Or should I say I am different? Why do I yearn for this presence in every moment? I shud be tired…just like the way ppl are of me. But still I aint..not the least; and I still yearn and jump to my feet whenever I have the slightest opportunity to see that silhouette. I crave to look into those eyes, to brush my hand against those fingers, to ruffle those hairs….but now look at me…hez so close and yet all I do is blankly stare , trying to touch him with my vision. I don’t gather up the courage to touch….past he “screams” at me. I take my hand back, my heart aching a bit…just a bit.

I got my prince charming who walked into my life gallantly and enlightened my life with the spectrum of dreams. i started living on house of clouds . I was happy. All through my life I craved a drop of love, I got embraceful of it…poor me….i helplessly look for it here and there …picking up even tidbits of that precious love which I am completely deprived of now. Reminds me of a song-

“Zindegi mein kabhi koyi aye na rabba

Aye jo koi to fir jaye na rabba

Dene ho agar tujhe bad me aasu

To pehle koyi has aye na rabba”

I am brittle-very much. I cant solve the equations of past n present. Those desperateness, those dedication….i want my life to stop there. I am very lonely little soul, I cant face cruel world. The person whose heart ached for me, who were always there to comfort me, is now in oblivion. I don’t want to be practical, I want to be cuddled by those dreams….i don’t want to be left all alone amidst a big crowd.

If any of u ever meet that person ,tell him that little girl is very afraid..she is very timid, she always has been so throughout her entire life, tell him everyone in this world is very rude, they stabs her feelings, tell him his once cared ,once most precious clupi now shudders all alone,with everyone walking past her, busy with their own life, busy with their own goals ignores her completely…tell him she doesn’t know this world, tell him she searches helplessly for him….and she counts stars with the hope he wud be back and embrace her and love her just the way he did. And he wudnt leave her all alone…to make her feel helpless. Tell him …wud u?